Help...

Dear miniBruce,

First, I want to say that my roommate and I love your blog. It's simply fabulous. You are sexy, you li'l sexy mini you.

Secondly, I wanted to ask your advise. I seem to be having a bit of a problem trying to find the right lady to adorn my side. There seems to be something wrong with every girl I go on a date with. They either have bad hair, bad teeth, some weird stutter, or just don't know the right color to wear to compliment their facial color.

My roommate, who has the most fabulous physique, says that I don't try hard enough. When we go and play tennis together, he always gets ladies hitting on him. But who wouldn't when you have an ass like that in those tight shorts that he wears?

Can you help me, miniBruce? Can you help give me the skills that can finally land me that winning Betty? One that has a wonderful wardrobe and stylish hair? Or am I just being too picky like my roommate says? Help!

Yours so very truly,
Theodore Ramone Silverstein


That's me on the left and my roomie on the right. Don't I look smashing?

Dear Teddy,

They always say that there is a special someone out there for eveyone. That special someone may not necessarily be a female. Think about it, bro.